Annoy me much?
by TwilightsMyWorld101
Summary: Simply tell jaco you would like to LA PUSH him off a cliff?
1. Chapter 1

**This is for you melissa Jacob Black _Must_ Die**

10 ways to annoy Jacob Black

**Number1:** steal all of his pants and replace them with skirts

**Number2:** Tell him that Renesmee had an affair with Emmett

**Number3:** Push his rabbit of a cliff

**Number4:**Push him off with it

**Number5:** Tell him that Edward did it!

**Number6:** Replace all of his plates with dog bowls

**Number7:** Tell him you like to LA PUSH him off a cliff

**Number8:** Steal the teddy bear he sleeps with every night

**Number9:** Tell him you can beat him in a hotdog eating competition

**Number10:** Beat him!!!

**Soz to all you _Jacob_ Fans!!!!! LOL I HATE JACOB... wait let me rephrase that...._ jACOB BLACK MUST DIE!!!!_ **


	2. Poor Edward

**MEL THIS IS FOR MAKING THE ONE BOUT JASPER EVEN THOUGH I AM TEAM EDWARD I AM SOO ANGRY AT YOU FOR THE JASPER ONE :( LOL xD**

2 Ways to Annoy Edward

**Number1:** Tell him that it was his fault that jacob imprinted on renesmee because he didnt use protection

**Number2: **Tell him that bella had an affair with Emmett

**LOL I only did 2 cuz I love edward soo much....sorry emmett**


	3. SURVIVE MY FRIEND

This is for you mel cuz team edward rox!

_**How to cope if Jacob Black Attacks!!!**_

Jacob Black is known as a _**Shape Shifter**_ Because of his ability to mysteriously turn into a wolf. It is fairly easy to spot a **Jacob Black** because although he looks like a normal person he is unnaturally tall, has fur and likes to bark. He tends to run around as if excited or chasing a stick. The terrifying thing about **Jacob Black** Is that they will chase you relentless if you have a _**stick**_ or not.

If you hear on the TV or radio of an excited **Jacob Black** you need to act fast. **Jacob Black** can run very quickly and if he catches you, you will be doomed to a life of playing fetch. Sadly there is no way to kill this retched **Jacob Black** so it is essential that you are always prepared to leave on short term notice.

Choose a secure place to hide out. First check the broadcasts regularly to find out which areas **Jacob Black** is in. You will need plenty of food and water where your hiding place is. A supermarket is a great base. Lock all doors and windows and pile heavy objects against the building for extra security. However make sure you have an extra exit in case **Jacob Black** finds you.

If you need to venture out for supplies make sure you wear non-stick looking clothes at all times. Full biker's leathers are perfect. Failing that go for lots for lots of layers.

If you find yourself in the middle of a crowd and you see something with fur _**Run!!!!**_. Put one foot in front of another and keep on doing that and look you are running. **Jacob lack** is very fats so make sure you always wear a jet pack to make you run faster.

Dont wast your energy running because **Jacob Black** Is very hard to stop. You can destroy him by telling him that Renesmee is dead or pushing his Rabbit ( car) of a cliff. Sometimes if weary** Jacob Black** will collapse and fall into a deep slumber make sure he is fully asleep before running.

This Is how you can survive a **Jacob Black attack**


	4. Im too sexy

Jacob pov

I was in the shower whilst my favorite song came on the radio, I could hear it from the next room. Billy was obviously listening to the radio trying to win competitions again.

I started to dance along in the shower to the song while trying not to fall over, I made up my own lyrics to this song, they were AWESOME lyrics may I say so myself.

I'm too sexy for my tail  
Too sexy for my tail  
tail's going to leave me

I'm too sexy for my fur  
Too sexy for my fur  
So furry it hurts

And I'm too sexy for Bella  
Too sexy for Bella, Edward and Charlie

And I'm too sexy for my growl  
Too sexy for my growl  
The way I'm growling at ya

I'm a werewolf, you know what I mean  
And I do my little run on the catwalk  
On the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah  
And I do my little run on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my pack  
Too sexy for my pack  
Too sexy by far

And I'm too sexy for my cat  
Too sexy for my cat  
Whatcha think about that?

And I'm a werewolf, you know what I mean  
And I do my little run on the catwalk  
Yeah,on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah  
And I shake my little tush on the catwalk  
(repeat)

I'm too sexy for my cat  
Too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy, poor pussy cat

And I'm too sexy for my tail  
Too sexy for my tail  
tail's going to leave me

And I'm too sexy for this song.


End file.
